Hating The Twilight Saga Is A Mistake: Change My Mind

*If you're looking for pure lust or pure action, then this might not be the series for you, but if you're looking for a coming of age story about a girl finding out where she fits in the world and how she relates to her friends and family, and how those relationships bolster or hurt her in terms of how she interacts with the outside world, then you might just find some value here.*

 The Twilight Saga is a coming of age story told from the unique perspective of a blank slate protagonist. It has some lovely and truly historically accurate information on the Pacific Northwest and on the Quileute Tribe (who happen to be the tribe responsible for the enduring myth of the thunderbird and whale, as well as many other allegories, which Meyer touches on really beautifully in her own imaginative way in these books). Yes, there are also highly fictionalized aspects of this story, but one would hope that readers of vampire stories would come into the reading process with an understanding of same.

 To that end, to understand why Twilight is a good series, I think it is important to also understand why it is so widely disliked. The Twilight Saga movies, while some of the casting decisions were absolutely brilliant, suffered from lackluster writing and poor editing, likely from a budget which was spent mainly on hiring the acting talent. People seem to equate the Twilight Saga movies and books as interchangeable and indistinct. That, in and of itself, is quite odd since many fans of series' of books which have subsequently been made into movies seem quite happy making sure that all and sundry know which portions of which narrative are "canon" and which are not. I don't think I've ever seen this before in modern storytelling. Fans of the Southern Vampire Mysteries didn't mistake True Blood for canon. Fans of the Star Wars movies don't mistake the Star Wars-verse novels for canon. I don't know of any other series of books made into movies that seem to be discussed as interchangeably as the Twilight Saga books and the Twilight Saga movies are.

 I also think that one of the reasons it's so en vogue to hate Twilight, whether we're talking about the books or the movies, is simple misogyny—and I don't just mean by men—I mean the type of internalized misogyny embraced by women. Anything "girly" (having to do with a teenaged female protagonist who is in touch with her feelings in this case) is frowned upon, culturally speaking. We're moving away from that cultural paradigm bit by bit, but the stigma from back in 2005–2013 when the Twilight Saga was at its peak still seeps into how we look back at it today. Along those same lines, I happen to believe that there's a certain r/notlikeothergirls level of foolishness at play here. Women are taught from a young age, and we begin to reinforce and teach each other, that being in deep contact with our feelings, being emotionally connected and raw are undesirable traits.

 These traits are linked in an over-exaggerated, hyperbolic way to teenaged girls (see above), despite teenaged boys and teens of all genders and both sexes being equally emotional and equally without a filter at that age, due to the specific way the human brain develops. We are taught that when young women are emotional, they're being "overly dramatic" or "silly." Hence the vogue of relating to Bella in a critical way—with an eye roll and a shrug, all with that pungent and distinct odor of "well I'm not like other girls." I say there's nothing wrong with being like other girls. There's nothing whatsoever wrong with being like other people in general. Sharing the human experience is a beautiful thing. Admitting to it only shows that you are indeed human. That, to my mind, is something we can all relate to.

 There is also a tendency to be hyper-critical of female characters in literature and fiction. For some reason (perhaps at least partially because of some of the reasons I've explored above) young female protagonists seem to be looked at strictly through the lens of whether they're a "good role model" or not. Folks, this is fiction. This is allegory.

 This is modern myth. It isn't meant to be looked at as if everything a character says or does is a sweeping endorsement for real people to go ahead and start behaving like their fictional counterparts do. There are lots of examples of male and female characters in fiction doing really stupid things or really dangerous things on their hero journeys/journeys to self-discovery. That doesn't mean that the author wants their readers to go out and do these things.

To this day, I hear people (mainly other women, but men too, now and again) complaining about how Edward doesn't behave like a realistic, healthy boyfriend to a real young woman and that readers might be moved to begin unhealthy relationships because of this. Folks—I'm an author and I'll be the first to tell you—if you're using fictional characters and the actions they take in fictional books to base your lifestyle and decisions on, you may well have other problems which transcend the bounds of what sorts of fictional books [or movies] you enjoy. That's the way that personality disordered people behave. Real, healthy people who are complete and whole are, thankfully, quite well able to make decisions in life which are not based on what fictional characters do or don’t do.

 Also, I highly doubt that real boyfriends are going around living for hundreds of years and drinking the blood of the innocent, so why we should hold such fictional characters to real-world standards is beyond me. But because this series of books [and movies] is about a young woman, the purity police and the “not like other girls” crowd tend to come out in full force, pitchforks in hand.

 I happen to think that Bella is a unique and engaging character. And while Edward’s behavior isn’t what real, healthy, well adjusted human boys should or would do, it isn’t meant to be. Edward is a vampire, thus, he behaves like a vampire. I happen to think it’s interesting that Stephenie Meyer came out with such an intriguing twist on a rather dated mythological archetype.

 She has created a rich and multi-textured world where ancient, diamond skinned immortals roam both the world of day and night; where ancient vampire families and clans feud both from medieval European castles and from modern, Western mansions vie against shape-shifters, half-bloods, werewolves and others for control of the supernatural world—and sometimes the humans in it.

I think that the idea that Edward’s, Billy’s, the various nomads’ and the Volturi’s dualistic worldview of black and white; good and evil; light and dark are challenged and eventually shaken up by characters like Bella, Jacob, and Carlisle who introduce some really unique and beautifully multilayered shades of gray is quite a thought-provoking narrative.

 I like that love, living authentically and making the choices that are right, despite what tradition or culture mandates are the predominant themes within this series. Despite being the rarest sort of protagonist in all of literature, what we call a blank-slate protagonist--a protagonist designed for the express purpose of allowing for the presence of enough unique traits to make the character interesting and enough globally archetypal, familiar and shared traits to make the blank-slate protagonist relatable, Bella doesn’t back down. She doesn’t compromise her own integrity or her right to seek happiness and contentment by acquiescing to the wishes of those around her, as well-meaning as they may be. Bella is strong. She owns her own emotions, and she literally molds herself into the woman she wants to become, cutting a path for herself and her family that is unheard of and completely revolutionary in the world in which she lives.

 I also hear a lot about Jacob being a “Nice Guy” and Edward being an abusive boyfriend. I simply don’t think that either Jacob or Edward are either of those things. Jacob is very upfront with Bella about his feelings for her as they develop. Sure he makes mistakes and is going through his own crises and his own personal development, but he’s not a Nice Guy (see: r/niceguys). And Edward agonizes over Bella’s safety, making it priority A number one, and letting Bella know upfront what’s going on, where he stands and how he feels, leaving Bella room to figure out what she thinks and how she feels about all of that.

 There’s a lot of talk about how creepy it is that Edward watches Bella sleep at night. Look, folks, with all due respect, he’s a freakin’ vampire. This is a vampire novel. Did Nosferatu or Angel or Spike or Stefan or Damon ever say "umm hey, can I have your consent to go ahead and do scary vampire things to you?" No. They did not. That would be ludicrous. Edward is not supposed to be 100% cute and cuddly. The differences between him and Bella personally and the vampire and human species at large need to be made clear, and that is one consistent way that Stephenie Meyer has been sure to do that.

Savvy readers will pick up on the fact that Edward is quite upfront and honest about all of this with Bella, even letting her know that if she would prefer private time at night, she is welcome to signal that to him by keeping her window closed and that if she does so, he will respect her wishes and leave her alone. He’s always very careful to make sure that Bella has a say in what’s going on. He doesn’t force himself on her and he doesn’t manipulate her (except when he foolishly tries to convince her of an emotional lie for her own safety in one of the books in the series—an action he comes to regret deeply and apologize for profusely, working through the issue with Bella in the next few books).

 I think the Twilight Saga is a fun, entertaining, beautifully written modern story. It has such a rich tapestry of characters and plot points and historical fiction woven into historical fact. If you don’t read it, that's obviously up to you, but you may be missing out. And if you're refusing to read it because of all of the conjecture you're aware of around the story itself, you may be quite pleasantly surprised once you do.

 The Twilight Saga is much more than just a teenage love story, though there would certainly be nothing wrong with it if it were just that—a teenage love story. After all, Romeo and Juliet was a teenage love story. Tristan and Isolde was a teenage love story. Cinderella and Snow White and Sleeping Beauty are all teenage love stories. The teenage love story is not something new within the zeitgeist, thought up by trashy romance novelists wishing to rake in the dough. It is a tried and true trope which works for a reason--that reason being that we were all teenagers at one time or another. We all came of age. We were all faced with a choice at some point during that time where we had to decide between who we are and who others wanted us to be. That is a uniquely human story, and it resonates for a reason.

 I give the Twilight Saga [books] as a whole a 5/5 on plot, character development, setting and narrative, and a 4/5 for some relatively minor editing mistakes which may or may not lie with the publishing company, rather than Stephenie Meyer herself. I also highly suggest reading the anniversary edition of “Twilight,” [the first book in the Twilight Saga]. It has some extended, never-before-read interactions between Edward and Bella, and it contains a beautiful gender-bending re-telling of the story, from the perspective of a young man called Beau Swan and an immortal vampire named Edythe Cullen. There is also a fantastic little vignette in the Twilight series, called “The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner,” which happens to be about a particularly intriguing background character from Eclipse (book three of the Twilight Saga). It is a charming and heartbreaking story that I was absolutely fascinated to read! I won't spoil it for you, but I do suggest checking it out.

And once you have read the book series, I'd also suggest opening your YouTube app and searching Twilight Storytellers. Comment below, once you have, and let me know what you think. As always, we're going to keep any and all discussions on the matter both topically relevant and civil. Thanks for reading!

Below are a few of my favorite Twilight Storytellers films. They may contain spoilers, so you might want to read the books before watching.

                                                           Benjamin's story:

Carlisle and Esme's story:

Alice's Story:

The Art And Science Of Being An Uncompromising Bitch/Six Easy Steps To A Bitchier You

The Art And Science Of Being An Uncompromising Bitch

Step 1:

Forget about what people think

Notice that I said “forget,” rather than neglect to perceive…sometimes considering someone else’s point of view is essential. Fortunately when it comes to being true to yourself, what others think is rarely any of our own personal business.

Step 2:

Acknowledge that there WILL be people out there who dislike—even hate you. 

This is beyond your control. While evaluating your own behavior to ensure that it is appropriate and that it jibes with who you are at your core and the values you hold, it is not your job to mitigate other people’s feelings, thoughts or reactions, which are almost always based on their own self esteem, life experiences or lack thereof. This is beyond your control. If you’re a decent human being with compassion, empathy, and authenticity, anyone with a decent sense of self and a moral compass will see you for who and what you are.

Step 3:

Move past step 3. 

All of that WILL happen, but so will so much else. You will find a natural respect for yourself emerging which means more than any outside regard ever could or should.

Step 4:

Never compromise your values or your integrity.

When you’re really starting to follow these steps, the true bitch emerges, but don’t let that feeling of power catch you slippin’. You know that moment when you’re really feeling yourself and you know everyone is watching you walk like a supermodel, with the wind in your hair? Well, that’s the moment when you know you’re about to secretly find a wad of toilet paper stuck to your shoe. That’s that moment when you’re about to trip down the stairs and fall face-first into the concrete. What I’m saying is…

Step 5:

Don’t take yourself too seriously. 

The moment you do, you cease to be the right kind of bitch. It's scientifically proven. Plus, the major upside to not taking yourself too seriously is that you can’t take the shit other people try to put on you anywhere near even minutely seriously. 

Step 6:

Be kind.

I know—you’re sitting there reading this going ‘what does kind have to do with being a bitch?’ But stay with me. Kind has everything to do with being a bitch. Kindness is key. You see, a real bitch is kind when kindness is needed—she’s kind when kindness is in short supply. After all, bitches have a namesake to live up to, because what is a bitch but a mother? And what are mothers but loving and kind? We bitches take our namesake from man’s best friend. Dogs are fierce; loyal—especially mothers. They protecc AND attac, but most of all, they don’t lie about who or what they are. 

So that’s it! Six easy steps to a bitchier you! Use them wisely.

Parades: The Weird Shit We Do In The Name Of Tradition

If you don't think this is weird, I don't want to know you

It's July. That means parades. So, let's talk about parades for a second...

Parades are a product of...you guessed it...white people. How do I know this? Because they're dumb. And unnecessary. And more than a little backward. 

Thanks to a good 60% of my ancestors, these fucking things exist. Thanks, guys. 

Picture this:

It's 1600 something. Folks are getting all ready to leave for the new world, where they're excited to be able to DO the discriminating this time, rather than being the object of it. Yay! This is clearly cause for celebration! 

So there are all of these oppressed white people, waiting to get on the mayflower and shit (not to be confused with John Mayer's heretofore yet unpurchased mega yacht, "The Mayerflower," which I am absolutely positive will definitely be a thing). And as they all pack onto this rickety ass wooden shitshow of a boat, there are the town cryers and census takers (you know--as you do), and they're all standing there with their quills and parchment in their hands, recording who's going to the new world. So, as folks are boarding, they're asking them questions. They're all "so, what are you planning on doing once you get there?" And they're like "aside from probably murdering the natives and displacing those who don't die, I don't know...maybe like celebrating our unique culture and shit?

 Honestly, we really haven't thought that far ahead." And the census takers and town cryers are all "cool, cool. So how are you planning on doing all that?" And this gets them thinking. They're like dude, I don't know. How ARE we planning on doing all that?" That's when some genius pipes up, "I know! We will march through the streets, lighting things on fire and throwing away food. That'll surely invoke a sense of vigorous patriotism. Obvs."

The town cryers are all: "so, basically you're staging a demonstration...like a war, really, but with candy? And kids engaging in mortal combat for tootsie rolls, which there will never be enough of?"

And the pilgrims are all "basically."

And it is at that point when everybody stops trying to get those lousy religious whackadoos to stick around. After hearing all of that, the Europeans are like "yep, that'll do it. Sayonara, bitches! Have fun with that whole "new world" situation. Sounds like a blast! Be sure to send us postcards and make sure to post on Insta, so we can all congregate merrily, down at the pub, tuning in each week to the next chapter of your New World adventure. I'm not gonna lie--there'll probably be a teensy bit of schadenfreude on our end, because while we're nice and comfy over at the pub, with roofs over our heads and fireplaces to keep us warm, you're over there trying to live off the land and being slaughtered by the natives for pulling that whole "blanket prank" y'all were talking about doing when you got there. Yo, that might not translate too well, but make sure to live stream it when you do."

And the pilgrims be like "cool, yeah. We will. Hashtag 'men going their own way.' Hashtag 'oh no they didn't hashtag oh, yes they did.'" 

And the town cryers and census takers pat their comrades on the back and shake their heads in bemusement as they board their wooden ship with no bathrooms and ready themselves for a year-long poop cruise. And, once the Mayflower hits the open sea, the pilgrims all start to look around and notice these little sheets of paper taped to each other's backs. Now, I'm no historian, so I can't say for sure what each and every single sign said or, for that matter, who wrote it, but I imagine that at least some of those signs intoned warm wishes, such as "you're all going to die" and "fuck off over the horizon, assholes." 

So, that's my historical outline of the humble beginnings of the American parade. 

But what are parades like in modern life?

Let me tell you. 

Parades are a place where all the neighborhood cops who are not currently engaged in rounding up black people go. I'm serious. There are more cops at parades than you're likely to see at your local craft doughnut and artisinal racism shop. 

Parades are a place for inappropriate levels of patriotism (see white pride for further reading). 

Parades are a place where it's okay to say: America: "love it or leave it," while ejecting copious amounts of burnt diesel from the dual exhausts on your F-350 truck. 

Parades are a place where parents are allowed to express themselves without fear of judgment. For example, at parades, it's totally okay to physically assault other individuals for their choice lawn chair spot. 

Parades are fun for kids, as well. 

Parades are a place where kids can gleefully engage in a level of mortal combat heretofore unimagined, for the right to the ownership of that prized tootsie roll or laffy taffy, only to be brutalized by an overzealous adult, carrying an overly full pillowcase of kid's candy. Is this person actually collecting candy FOR kids, or has the parade based fervor led them to become totally unhinged? Alas, we may never know. 

Parades are a place where corporate entities definitely ARE people, my friend. You can expect to see businesses rolling through the streets of your hometown, with overly done floats that advertise their latest products and/or services. Because freedom of speech. Amirite? Because nothing says patriotism like people tryna sell you shit you don't want or need. 

This seems inappropriate

Parades are also a place where politicians can be themselves. And by that, I mean that politicians and aspiring politicians can fulfill their life's dream of spraying their bald spots with shoe polish and being carried through the streets of your town, USA in mid-life crisis cars for the express purpose of having everyone gaze fondly at them as they wave, like they're Caesar of Rome or something. You guys, we literally had a president die doing this. It's tough work. Politicians are everyday heroes. TOUGH. WORK. 

 And as this all plays out, we get to listen to the local high school's un-ironic marching jazz band. Of course, because it's a jazz band, you can expect to see them improvising their own parade routes while they attempt to play a Charlie Parker cover that you absolutely WILL NOT RECOGNIZE!

And then, you get to sweat outside, while waiting for the parade to end. We Americans are patriotic fuckers, so this could take hours. 

 I woke up one Sunday morning, when I first moved into my new apartment, thinking I was in a war zone, convinced that The Purge was happening right outside my French doors...but no such luck. It was a parade. 

Parades are great for veterans, dogs, and folks with PTSD too. It allows them to freely commit to being themselves, by which I mean, that they are free to dissolve into puddles of anxiety, as the patriotic Americans outside their house re-enact a war, complete with drums and explosives, fit to leave dogs, veterans and the mentally unstable alike tinkling in the wrong place. But, patriotism...

Parades tell us who to vote for, what to buy, and how to absolutely never act. Parades are a uniquely American tradition that jam up the streets and leave our trains so full that actual commuters cannot board them...Parades are as American as baseball, apple pie, and coming to a new world, in order to escape persecution AND remove the natives. 

Some might question how watching adults and children fight it out for that disgusting tootsie roll the local mayor's corvette just ran over, while simultaneously reducing dogs, veterans and the mentally ill to a quivering, collective mess is patriotic, but you know what we say to that? 

Yeah--me neither.

Anyone?

Guys...?

Power Struggles With Annie: A Short Story:

 Annie decided that she wanted to live inside of my pantry this morning, like a little pantry- dwelling bridge troll who, whenever the pantry door was opened, demands tribute (this is a thing she decides to do, whenever the whim strikes her, like letting off plaintive meows when I'm live on air, if I fail to bribe her with food before I begin my program, or rattling my office door off its hinges, because I kept her out in the living room, while I was taking a client). 

 So, being that I was irritated with the constant claiming of the pantry, by her majesty, I decided I would teach her a lesson, by actually closing the pantry door, with her in it, while I prepared food. 

 Usually this works, and by the time the five minute food prep period is up, Annie is one pissed off kitty, who flies out of the pantry, giving me a look of purest loathing, while running by (I'm fairly certain that this look is intended to communicate the sentiment: "fuck you, lady!" Sometimes an equally furtive look commands a similar sentiment, which, I believe is something akin to “fuck you, lady,  and everything you stand for, AND the horse you rode in on too!” This particular sentiment is also a favorite of Annie’s to communicate to me, upon the occasion that she becomes so upset “fuck you” alone simply will not do). 

 This time, however, Annie simply went from shelf to shelf, ripping various snack bags open and feasting on the snacks inside. When I opened the door to let her out, she gave me this look, which, again, being passably fluent in cat language, I'm reasonably sure was intended to communicate the sentiment "beat you at your own game, bitch." Well played, Annie. Well played. Until next time.

It Ain't Me, Babe

It Ain't Me, Babe: A Journaling Bitch Sesh

 I keep being presented with the same narrative over and over through life, where a number of people tend to see me in one of two different lights, rather than just keeping their eye on their own lane, handling their own business and taking responsibility for their awesomeness, their sadness, their successes, and for their mistakes.

 I'm not perfect and I'm not a villain, and I would rather not be seen as either. 

 This is genuinely something that bothers me.

 It's a tough few weeks this time of year anyway, and being presented with this dual narrative makes it slightly more stressful. The weather is changing, my health changes with it, one of my best sister friends' committed suicide and the anniversary is coming up soon, and this is the time of year we started finding out that my Dad was sick.

 Basically, I do have my own stuff to tend to (we all do, and that shouldn't come as a surprise to literally anyone), so I'm not over here plotting anyone's demise or planning the perfect solution to anyone's problems. 

 I offer advice and coaching for a living, but I would hope that this doesn't somehow scream "I have my stuff together, so feel free to move your locus of control from yourself to me and follow the pied piper and then either credit me with your success or blame me for your problems." That's not a healthy way to live life. I don't want that. I've had to fire clients and move on from friendships because of this. 

 I see this cycle beginning again and I am not amused. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten into this profession. Maybe I shouldn't be a writer. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten into activism. I don't know. But this situation is untenable. There have to be other people (writer's, activists, content creators, etc.) out there who experience this on a much larger scale than I do. I can't even imagine how they feel.

 I realize that as we speak, several folks think I'm focused on them or the imaginary competition we apparently have that I was never made aware of or the imaginary relationship we have that I have never been a participant in (if any of you lovely readers think I'm being conceited or joking, being dramatic or sarcastic, I assure you I am not. I have legitimately had readers, listeners and acquaintances tell me how they thought we had a relationship we legitimately did not have. I've even had a fan ask me if he could pray to me and lay flowers at my feet. It's unreal.

 I don't know which is worse, people thinking that we're in a relationship and that I am their number one, or people thinking that I'm out to get them--that I'm carefully monitoring their behavior and their social media feeds, so that I can judge them (yeah, I don't do that. That's why you follow someone--so you don't have to be a weird creeper.), target them, use things against them or some other nefarious thing. Other peoples' problems are not my sole concern. They're just not, just like my problems shouldn't be other people's sole concern. That's not how I operate. Few people do operate that way, and those who do are disordered and unbalanced.

 I'm always here if someone is experiencing a genuine crisis (like once in a blue moon, not the same person over and over with frequency), or if there's business to be done, but I don't spend my time concerning myself with other people's business, and I refuse to accept the congratulations or blame for someone else's failures. I choose to utilize personal responsibility as one of my main lifestyle tools.

 It seriously astounds me the number of people who think I'm involved in their trouble or that because they have some sort of a competitive vibe with me, that I feel the same way, or simply that I should drop everything and put their problems first. 

 That's just not how I work. I don't like to get knee deep in other people's shit. I don't even like to stick a toe into other people's business. I've got my own shit to shovel. 

 I feel like this is a narrative I'm continually fighting. This could be 100% confirmation bias on my part, but I happen to wonder if it's part of the job for a counselor, coach or consultant.

 If, god forbid, you fit either of these categories, consider this my firm and solemn oath that you, whomever you may be, can rest assured that your business doesn't concern me in the least--unless you're actively trying to undermine me, bully me or target me, or mine, yours or someone else's safety is in jeopardy. Unless that is the case, I'm unable to be involved. My general motto is live and let live. Everyone can swing their fists as much and as far as they like, as long as it doesn't infringe on mine or anyone else's human rights. 

 If something good happened, consider me happy for you (of course I am), but not responsible. If something bad happened or you suffered a loss, I am truly empathetic and very sorry for that, but again, I am not responsible. I definitely wouldn't feel comfortable accepting that level of responsibility.

 Plus, I would assume there's some sort of a pay raise that goes along with having goddess-like powers 😂 so my genuine empathy and compassion is as far as it goes. I'm not able to or responsible for intervening whenever anyone has a need. I reserve the right to choose whom I dole out non-work-related favors to. I don't owe anyone anything, just like no one owes me anything. 

 If you're not one of my best friends in the world, one of my animals or a close family member, then expecting intervention on your behalf by me while I have my own life to live, my own health to care for, my own home and bills to pay for, two full time jobs and a number of side gigs and community programs to take care of really doesn't feel right to me. Even folks who are that close to someone are going to have to find their own words to make asks of other people when they have set an expectation. Mr. Meseeks doesn't exist, and you've seen how badly wrong things could go if he did. 😅 I AM NOT MR. MESEEKS!

  Even if I had none of the above responsibilities, essentially, I still wouldn't owe anyone a thing, and I realize that goes both ways (and that's absolutely okay). 

 I am not the cause of anyone's every problem or the answer to them. I am not a mentor or an idol or an enemy to anyone. That fact that anyone would ever think I am is complete and utter tomfoolery. 

 I don't involve myself with stuff that's none of my business. 

 I am never on a mission to make anyone look or feel any type of way. 

 Hopefully that clears things up. 

 I don't rightly know why I'm so often being met with this narrative, or why some people immediately have to do the whole Madonna/whore thing with me, unless it's the pure and simple fact that I'm an author, a blogger, a podcaster, a coach, a community activist, and a somewhat public personality/content creator, but let me let you in on a little secret, with regard to the splitting behavior--the apparent need some have to make me a Madonna or a whore: an idol or a fallen idol. I'm neither. I'm not an idol. I don't have a perfect life. I'm also not a fuck up or someone who causes anyone else's problems. 

 I'm just a person trying to get by. If you're concerned about my nefarious intentions, I don't have any. If you're hoping I can change your life and make you feel a certain way about yourself, ima stop you there. That's not healthy or possible. Only you can do that. 

 I don't have the time, energy or even a basic level of interest in targeting, bullying, harassing or developing said nefarious intentions. I never have; I never will. 

 That would still hold true, even if I had all the time in the world. I'm concerned with keeping my eye on my own prize, and I expect, as someone with healthy boundaries, that everyone else is doing the same. That's why I'm even as successful as I am. 

 Everyone else is free to go for theirs. 

 As far as me being an mentor or a role model, that's not something I signed up for. I have no time for that. None. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Please don't idolize me or model yourselves after me. That's fuckin' scary. Uh-uh. I don't want to hear about that, I don’t want to That's not a thing I'm even slightly okay with on any level. 

 Find your own path. I feel like wearing a shirt with this on it. I'm not a rising star or a community rockstar or someone with egotistical ambitions. I don't have that sort of an ego. 

 What I do have is a lot of fans and a lot of haters (God only knows why. I only speak the truth about human behavior on my podcast and in my writing, and through my business. I don't denigrate or disrespect or ask anyone to follow me or do things my way) and a desire to be left to go about my business. 

 I don't get this, I don't pretend to get it, I don't like it. I don't want it. I don't have some magical gift no one else could possibly have, neither do I have some magical formula for success. I have practical advice and the ability to read people, coupled with a work ethic and a refusal to deal in nonsense. Literally anyone can have that. Anyone. 

 We are all equals and our paths are all equally important. None of us are responsible for each others' happiness or lack thereof--we're just not. So if you're looking for a role model or someone to hate or someone to idealize or obsess over, please--look elsewhere--like within yourself. It ain't me, babe.

What are some of the narratives and life issues that keep coming up in your lives? Comment below, and bitch away!

Don't forget to follow Dominique Does Life on the free Spreaker app for more content, and, as always, thank you so much for reading!

XOXO,

Dom