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Monday, April 14, 2014

Text-iquette: A blog post on texting and Text Etiquette

A conversation on texting and etiquette...

  So, the other day, I was listening to someone complain about how they hate when somebody leaves them hanging during a text message 'conversation.' I thought, 'umm hello, you're texting. Logic should inevitably lead you to the conclusion that the person in question is either in a place where they can't talk and/or are multitasking. Maybe they're even at work or a social gathering of some sort while said 'conversation' is taking place.
 That (among other points that I will discuss below) leads me to ask why someone would possibly be offended that the person with whom they are texting isn't returning their texts (which may or may not be tedious and/or annoying anyway lol-hey, I had to put that one out there, we've all experienced what I like to call 'the tedious texter' in some form or another-more on that in my upcoming 'text-iquette' blog post) in the snap of a finger? There also happen to be actual technical and technological components that go into texting, the malfunctions of which can end up affecting the receipt and/or delivery of texts. For instance, the person who's phone you're texting may be on do not disturb (an iPhone function that serves me well with clients in numerous time zones). Their phone could even be, gasp, on the fritz, leaving the message or messages in question undelivered or un-received. Worse yet, (god forbid) life may have intervened in a twisted plot to keep said person from returning your text in some other unforeseen way (double gasp!). Said diabolical texting fiend might even be... wait for it... TALKING TO SOMEONE ELSE while talking with you!!! 'Why, I thought, would anyone possibly be upset or find it to be bad etiquette that someone isn't able to immediately return all of their texts?!?' Sidebar: if you find this to be a continual problem with more than just a few select people with whom you frequently exchange text messages, you might want to consider evaluating your own social-namely your own text-etiquette, or what I like to refer to as text-iquette.

*This story as well as other life experiences illustrate the fact that different people have different expectations and standards when it comes to texting. 


Let's have a conversation about this. Aside from this story being downright silly, it could be the start of a good conversation on texts, texting and text etiquette. Thoughts? Questions? What are your personal text-iquette do' sand don't's?

Saturday, April 12, 2014

How To Identify And Avoid The Archetypal Victim

https://www.facebook.com/TrinitySpiritualServices/posts/654489117958183
This is a link to our first blog post. It will serve you well whether you're a fellow pagan or Wiccan or whether you are just a good person trying to make your way in the world.

Below is the text directly from that link:

This week, we've been posting articles and blog posts of our own on the value of making the decision to purposefully surround yourself with ‪#‎goodly‬‪#‎kind‬‪#‎uplifting‬ ‪#‎people‬. Unfortunately for those of us who tend to be ‪#‎peaceful‬‪#‎conflict‬-haters who engage in purposeful conflict ‪#‎avoidance‬, the difficulty here can be cutting those people out of our lives in appropriate ways and understanding that we should not feel badly about doing so.
As adults, we have complete control over who we allow into our inner circles. We also have the right to be treated well by the people around us and vice versa. Of course, this does not mean that we need to run around dumping everyone who has an annoying habit, who slurps their coffee at breakfast or who looks at us cross eyed, but is an otherwise good friend.
The OMTimes article below helps us to identify and avoid the 10 archetypes of ‪#‎toxic‬ and ‪#‎abusive‬ people in this world. 
First, however, a word from Trinity: I (Dominique Miller: reader, healer, counselor, minister, Wiccan High Priestess, healer at and owner extraordinaire of Trinity Spiritual Services) have always identified a very special, very specific archetype that isn't listed in the article below, an eleventh type of toxic person, shall we say... I have quite a bit of personal AND professional experience with the ‪#‎victim‬ archetype.
A bit about the victim: The perpetual victim is someone who latches onto people whom they feel can help them-strong people-people of character and integrity, usually people who are in leadership roles within their communities. The 'victim' does this because they usually don't have any true friends (this is usually the case for extremely good reason and is a great way to identify and eliminate potential 'victims' from your life). They may have been shunned by their family and/or co-workers, and they feel that none of this is in any way related to their own behavior. They will likely have woe is me horror stories about how awful everyone they've ever been close to is and how these people have let them down horribly. The victim archetype refuses blame, refuses to accept responsibility and refuses culpability on multiple levels. This archetype has a decidedly external locus of control. That means that they live their lives under the impression or worldview that the world around them and the people in it influence them-and not vice versa, therefore they themselves are persecuted, picked on and ultimately victimized and it is all (surprise, surprise) beyond their control. This can become an addictive thinking pattern for the victim archetype.
Once someone has adopted this worldview as part of their personality, it becomes a deeply engrained part of their psyche and can manifest in many alarming and hurtful ways (to the individuals themselves and to the people around them/caught up in their wake).
The victim quite literally convinces him or her self that the world around them and the people in it are out to get them. They therefore lash out at people with no rhyme or reason, no guilt and no remorse. After all, in their minds, whatever feelings they hold inside, whatever problems manifest themselves in their lives, it is always the fault of whomever might be in their life at any given time that any number of life situations aren't going their way. This is a dangerous and pervasive thought pattern and truly amounts to an archetype to steer clear of.
Why then, you might ask, would a clear thinking individual-a mature minded adult in fact, allow this incredibly destructive archetype into their life? For many reasons. More than likely, if you choose to engage 'the victim,' it is likely because you might even see a bit of yourself in them. A conscientious, kind, understanding and generous human being might take pity on 'the victim,' thinking 'I've been through x y and z in my life too and I empathize with how they feel.' This can lead to a deep sense of pity and a deep understanding of what you perceive 'the victim' to be going trough. One might say to themselves, 'maybe I can help 'the victim' through this tough situation.'
Being a 'rescuer' can of course be incredibly rewarding. The danger, however, of doing this with 'the victim' is similar to the danger presented in the classic children's book, 'If You Give A Pig A Pancake...' The pig, of course, represents the victim.
The pig is representative of an archetype which is different than that of all of the other barnyard animals. The pig, just as the victim is, is a user, someone who feels that they deserve special treatment in order to make up for the fact that the world has been unkind to them. Naturally, as the book goes on to state, if you give a pig a pancake, he'll want butter. If you offer him butter, he'll want syrup. If you offer him syrup, he'll want milk to wash his meal down with. If you offer him milk, it follows that he'll need to use the restroom. Of course after using the restroom, he'll be tired and he'll need to use your bed. In the morning, when your hospitality has been fully worn out, the pig/the victim, rather than thanking you for your kindness and leaving with the promise of future reciprocation, a smile on his lips and a song in his heart, will simply explain to you why you owe it to him to start the process all over again. And be warned, if you engage in this process even once with 'the victim,' he will literally expect for you to do so each and every time that you encounter each other. 'The victim' may even offer you supposed kindnesses in return, but never out of the goodness of their heart. These supposed good deeds are, in 'the victim's' mind, a contract between you and him that at some point in the future, you will owe him. But in reality, this debt only grows in their mind and can never actually be 'paid. 'It is a good rule of thumb to never accept a gift of any kind from 'the victim,' and that if you notice someone acting Ina manner that fits with this profile, you distance yourself from them immediately.
Dispensing with the pig/pancake metaphor, this is what will happen when you allow the victim into your life. Now, sometimes the victim will leave your life on their own after all possible advantage has been taken of you, or after trying by every possible means he knows how to utilize, realizing that ship ain't gonna sail, but sometimes the victim will simply glom onto you and bleed you dry. This, ladies and gents, is the most common experience that one will likely have when they choose to allow 'the victim' into their life. Rather than leaving it up to the victim, it's usually best for your sanity and peace of mind to simply cut this archetype off at the knees at the very beginning. The easiest way to do this is just that: don't offer him pancakes (or your good will, hospitality and friendship) in the first place! And, if you do, then you must decide for yourself whether you want to give him syrup (constant attention, constant reassurance that you'll be there to listen to his woe is me stories or worse yet offer him the option of being there to take his abuse every time he feels inclined to dish it out).
This is an archetype which I feel deserves some attention, too. The toxic archetype of 'the victim' is actually more of a "shadow" archetype than a normal, healthy, everyday archetype. I hope this post is also helpful in identifying any victim tendencies within yourself, in the hopes that you can improve your mental health and quality of life for the better. For more information on archetypes and how to tell what type of people are in your daily life-a valuable skill to possess living in this world, I would suggest reading two books based on Jungian (Karl Jung) philosophy, called 'Gods In Every Man' and 'Goddesses In Every Woman.' Years back, when I was studying for my BA in Psychology, these books were standard reading material.