Is This The American Dream?

 I've heard so much lately about how anyone who does anything to try to make a difference in this big, beautiful world, whether it be influencing socioeconomic issues, trying to shed light upon and help prevent and treat wars, attacks, and other world issues--who try to treat and contain the ramifications of the effects of such significant occurrences...that anyone who participates in science, politics, has their own system of belief, etc. but does not subscribe to X system of belief or perform X modality is "doing it wrong"--how they shouldn't be concerned-how caring about the world around us and having empathy of any kind is simply a shout into the void and only God/the universe, the law of attraction, etc is the way to go and that by thinking about how to solve world problems, we're "calling them in." Sadly, a lot of very impressionable people whose world views haven't yet been fully formed are out there listening to this malarkey. This is my answer to that...
 I know the world can be a tough place. I know that things don't always go our way. I know that it's comforting to think that there's some all powerful deity or law or what have you guiding you. That takes some of the responsibility out of your hands and it's okay to not want responsibility. That's okay. What's not okay is to give your personal responsibility and your astoundingly powerful, unique individual voice to some supposed divine law or to God or the universe or what have you and to absolve yourself of it in turn. What's not okay is to see suffering and to turn your head and say sorry, but I can't possibly be distracted from my path to riches/perfect spiritual enlightenment/God/etc, because when we do that, we're missing the point. We're unable to see the forest for the trees. What matters in this life--possibly more than anything else is being a good person--whatever that means to you. What matters in life is being empathetic and kind and compassionate and giving your voice to those who don't have or can't use their own. What matters in this life is leaving this world a better place than it was when you found it.
 I hear so many people raging against "politics" (i.e. what they perceive politics to be), science and against having important discussions 'because bad juju' and 'negativity' and 'because I can't be bothered to be torn from my path of perfect bliss and enlightenment in order to help you or in order to give back to the society that gave me the incredible gifts that I have--that created the impetus that set me upon my current path.' On one hand, I'm glad that people are so comfortable in their own lives that they actually feel that there's an invisible force taking care of them at every turn which absolves them of the need to make their own decisions. On the other, I think that they're completely missing the point. The point being that to live here means having the full human experience. The point of being here is to have the entire range of emotions and experiences and to learn from those experiences and apply that learning to the betterment of society in some way. I personally believe that if there is a heaven--an other side-and I believe there is (energy can only be changed and transmuted, not created or destroyed), we may choose to help those who are still here living in this universe in physical form once we no longer are, but then again I don't begrudge anyone else their own personal beliefs as long as those beliefs don't encroach on my freedom. My rights end where yours begin and vice versa.
 We are all different. None of us are the same. There is only one you in this world and the chances that you would be born with the exact features, quirks, character traits, likes, dislikes and skills are ASTRONOMICAL. We are truly all unique individuals of the highest order. We each have different life skills and different areas of expertise. We do however have one glaring similarity that binds us all together. We all came from a home of some sort where we were fed and clothed and provided with water to bathe a do drink, electricity and gas when extremes of temperature manifested at the appropriate times of year and we all had education and health care of some sort.
 If you think that God/the law of attraction/etc. provided you with that without the help of government in particular and generations of people who've fought and died for your rights, then you're either blindly ignorant, severely stupid or both. Case in point-how many cave men have you heard of with appropriate housing and the rights that are afforded to citizens of the country you live in? How may men and women in the Middle Ages lived past age 40 or so due to lack of health care? How many US presidents before about 1850 had appropriately functional and healthy sets of teeth due to dental care and science? And if that's not enough to make you reconsider your outrageous viewpoints, think about how many times you've been sick, given birth, had surgery, had to take antibiotics for a sinus infection or a UTI...
 You are quite literally alive today thanks to science, government and the empathy and ingenuity of other people. You're living the life you live today because and ONLY BECAUSE generations of men and women have fought, died, braved hunger, cold and exile from family, church and country so that you'd be able to live the relatively carefree lifestyle that you do today. Ladies and gentlemen, I think that calls for a modicum of personal and civic responsibility. I think that requires beyond a shadow of a doubt that you pay it forward. Now, you might ask what are you doing, Dominique? What are you doing to pay it forward. And my answer is this--it always will be--not enough.
 I'm a pagan/Unitarian Universalist/Secular Humanist. Personal responsibility is practically my middle name as it is, but I didn't stop there. I'm an outspoken social justice advocate, I work with animals, animal shelters and animal rescues, I've donated my time and money to some really beautiful causes thus far. I'm even running for office to make sure that you and I get to continue to live in the relatively carefree world that we do. But that is not enough. I'm not sitting around, patting myself on the back for all of my hard work and saying 'oh, I've done enough, why not let God/the law of attraction take care of the rest?' None of us should. As far as I'm concerned, we should all be writing, blogging, podcasting, working in the political arena, or dedicating our unique (potentially God given) skills to the community and giving back to it. I hear people congratulate me on making a difference in the world, and I love that my work is appreciated, but I have to wonder why people think it's so special. Literally everyone should be doing something to give back to this wonderful country of ours and to the beautiful world that gave us life. I heard someone (well, more than one person, actually) tell me this weekend that as a religious person, they felt that an individual that they came across who was clearly in desperate need of intervention and physical help-possibly even medical care-was simply a "distraction" to take them away from their religious paths. I was floored. Are we really that self centered?? Is human suffering now something that we are so far removed from that seeing someone suffering right in front of us seems like nothing more than a stumbling block along our paths to success?? If that's the case, maybe the American Dream has finally been achieved. Maybe the founding fathers achieved their goal of complete freedom--freedom that distances us so far from actual empathy and suffering that we no longer recognize it when we see it. But I'll tell you, that if that's the American Dream realized, I'm sending it back and asking for a refund.

 We've got so much work to do for the causes of equality, social justice, fair and equal treatment for all and maintaining effective, empathetic government. My message is simply this: let's not stop here. Let's not be so caught up in self congratulation that we take our eyes off the ball. Step it up and get out there.

Your Voice

What will you be doing one cold day in January-the January after next, that is? January of 2017...
Odds are you'll be going about your life, worrying about mundane stuff like work, vacuuming, dishes, the laundry. You'll be living your life, as aware (or as unaware, as the case may be) as you are right now of what's going on in the world around you. You might wake up that morning and think that the world looks the same as it ever has...you might wake up thinking as you may right now that the world takes care of itself and that you're apart from that, that your life will go on...
 What you may not realize is that things will have changed and that by that point, it may well be too late for you to wake up and realize how important your voice is--your voice, that thing you've been using to tell everyone how little politics matters, how annoying it is to see political posts on Facebook when your time could be better spent doing important things like posting meaningless platitudinous memes and cute cat videos on social media, that thing you use to have mundane conversations about the weather, that you use to yell at your husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, children when you're upset, that thing you use to tell people who you see day in and day out what you need...that thing you use to let people know when things aren't okay, what it is that you need in order to make them right-your voice, that thing you use to tell your loved ones how much they mean to you and that they matter, that you use to fix the relationships that need fixing. So why oh why do you insist on using this powerful, beautiful voice of yours to tell the world how little it matters? If your voice truly didn't matter, then how is it that it's worked so well for all of these years as you've sat by trying and succeeding to convince yourself that it's meaningless? Your voice has gotten you to where you are in life. It's allowed you to take and make opportunities. It's allowed you to build your world, make your life what you want it to be. Can you imagine what a difference your voice would make added to so many others? And all you have to do is show up at your polling place-take fifteen minutes out of your day once every couple of years to do that.

Why The Term THEY Bothers Me When Used To Explain Your Theory, Or, Can We Please All Agree To Stop Using "They" To Back Up Our Theories And Beliefs For Us?

 Can I just say how much I dislike the use of the term "they" when used in relation to conspiracy theories and scare tactics-or really at all for that matter, even when it comes to defending and rationalizing your own personal beliefs? I was met with statements at least three times this week of "oh c'mon Dominique, I can't believe you actually buy THAT. THAT's just what THEY want you to think." Really people? REALLY?? Let's put on our deductive reasoning and critical thinking caps, shall we? Let's slow down with the THEY talk, mkay? In fact, let's bring it to a screeching halt, because every time you use the word "they" to prop up your system of beliefs (or the specific situational belief you're trying to express and/or explain at any given time) the terrorists win. K? Thanks Obama.
 But real talk, using the term THEY in reference to some lofty group of people operating from the shadows as a source of blame for whatever is plaguing you this minute or this hour or this day is LAZY. It tells me that you can't defend or explain your own system of dearly held beliefs. It tells me that you don't know what the actual reason is behind what it is you're trying express. It tells me that you haven't put this particular belief or system of beliefs through its paces-the first (and last) of which is Occam's Razor. What is Occam's Razor, you might ask? Well, handy that I've already written about it, but for those of you who aren't up for the task of sifting through my ramblings, I'll give you the short definition, which is this: Occam's Razor is a concept used in theoretical physics that states that however many explanations you might find for a given set of circumstances or a given situation, the simplest is always the best and likely correct. If you feel yourself being drawn to use the word THEY all the time, your theory could probably do with a liberal application of Occam's Razor. Also, if you find yourself using the term THEY more than once a week (or the term THEM for that matter) in the the above way, you might just be an alien conspiracy theorist and if you are, then you're done. Go sit in the corner with your tinfoil hat. And by the way, it's not a faraday cage for your brain. You're welcome. Back to the drawing board for you. So, can we all agree to take a giant step back from the use of the term THEY for awhile?

A Frank Discussion About The Law Of Attraction

A Frank Discussion About The Law Of Attraction

 Everything happens for a reason...

What a seemingly happy statement. Statements like these conjure images of oneness and zen, of daisies and butterflies, of lying on a raft in the ocean, bobbing along with the waves. In an odd way, it's sort of comforting to believe that every single thing in this universe happens for a reason. That kind of thinking either puts all of the blame upon or gives all of the credit to you, the individual, for every single thing that happens to you in life. Unfortunately, this line of thinking contains severely faulty logic. Cue images of the graveyard that the daisies are growing in, the frost moving in that kills off the remaining butterflies that haven't yet flown to Mexico, your raft being pulled out to sea as you do nothing to paddle your way to shore and because you've been relying on the raft rather than building up your swimming skills, picture a version of you that is so afraid to get off of your raft that you can't even contemplate reaching out to touch the increasingly choppy water-let alone dive in and swim your way back to shore. 

 As nice as it may feel initially to believe that everything is being handled by the universe and all you have to do is think and allow and your life will unfold without planning or participation, believers in such dangerous fantasy will, like the person floating out to sea on their raft, eventually find themselves far from shore without a paddle with nothing left to do other than sink or swim. This is what the Law Of Attraction brings us. Belief in the LoA can lead to the deterioration and even the loss of important mental faculties like empathy and critical thinking as well as your relationships with others. It can actually lead to a deterioration of the concept of personal responsibility. What a feat for a theory that purports to start out being all about personal accountability. Proponents of this system of belief would tell you that everyone on earth is responsible for every single facet of each and every area of their life.

 I'm sure that you can already see why this system of belief works so well for the wealthy and elite of this world. Unfortunately it works out as terribly for those less fortunate as it does well for those who have more. But no one on earth experiences either all good or all bad situations in life, so how is it that we are to take total, full and complete responsibility for every single life situation we find ourselves in, big or small, meaningful or relatively inconsequential? Well, by taking either complete credit or total blame for every little thought our minds think and of course every word we say in life. Some might find this state of affairs to be fanciful, infantile, dogmatic, nigh Catholic or even dare I say a tad crazy train, but not believers in the Law Of Attraction! 

Lets start with the abhorrent way that Law Of Attraction believers view illness, poverty, war and genocide. Sure, the correlations between disease and life situations of all kinds and the spiritual connotations of said illnesses can provide an interesting format for life assessment and self discovery as well as for certain specific life lessons to be learned, but correlation and causation aren't the same thing. Proponents of the Law Of Attraction won't let that stop them, though. These brave souls soldier on into the territory of complete and utter lunacy without a second thought (tut, tut, forward thinkers and gurus of the future, keep your inner eye focused on those pesky little thoughts before they run away with you). 

Let's look at our own example of why and how the law of attraction fails to work when tested in the real world. Mike and John, both truckers, sit down at a diner and chat about a fello teamster who had a horrible trucking accident befall him or her. Now, if Mike and John believe in the LoA, you could say that it is their duty  to immediately judge said person. That fellow teamster must've called their accident in with bad thoughts and Mike and John mustn't discuss this subject any further for fear that they too will call down a trucking accident upon themselves. Empathy gets thrown totally out the window here. No one cares any longer for their friend who is laid up in the hospital with terrible medical debt and having to take time off of work because of someone else's reckless driving habits. No one offers to help this person's family with chores around the house or give the kids a ride to school because suddenly the focus with John and Mike is all upon removing this unpleasantness from their conscious thoughts (which of course doesn't affect unconscious thoughts in any way) rather than being compassionate individuals who are interested in helping their friend. The focus quickly and decisively shifts from community based thinking to selfish, self-centered, dogmatic thinking. This very quickly and fully removes the empathy of the believer. 

 But did Mike and John's friend really "call in" the accident that befell them? Let's examine this situation for any trace of confirmation bias. For instance, Mike and John might talk about their friend getting into an accident and then later on down the road (excuse the pun), a trucking accident happens to them (though I'm sure there are some statistics to be looked at re the likelihood that one might experience a roadway accident at some point in their lifetime anyway and I would think that those statistics might be relatively high, logically speaking for anyone, especially for those who drive trucks for a living)...that doesn't mean that John and Mike's talk of their friend getting into an accident caused either of them any future misfortune. This is a simple matter of the old argument of which came first--the chicken or the egg? Or in the case whether the chicken even existed at all? Was there a chicken to begin with (i.e. Is this cause and effect or simple statistical probability?)? The human brain seeks to make sense of that which makes no sense; to connect the unconnected. It is our respsonsibulity to utilize our critical thinking skills in order to divine truth and meaning in these situations. 

  Mike and John could simply be mentioning, for instance, the topic of roadway accidents more frequently than other topics because they'd been picking up on subtle cues that they were going to be in one. John and Mike might both be more prone to discuss car accidents as well as being more prone to the possibility of being in one because they are truckers, and that's what subconsciously (because I'm sorry LoA friends, but we can't ignore the subconscious) led them to talk about it in the first place. Accidents have an impact on John and Mike as truckers because they know they're more likely than non-truck drivers to be in or impacted by one. It absolutely doesn't mean that their talk about their friend's crash or their lines of thinking caused any future accidents they might have. That would be an horribly superstitious mode of belief and adopting such a belief might impact their mental states in negative ways. To think along such lines flies in the face of logic and reason. Again, correlation and causation are two different things! Magical thinking like that displayed throughout the "secret" law of attraction require a dangerous intuitive leap and a severe confirmation bias as well as the acceptance of and heavy reliance upon magical thinking and pseudo-scientific "studies" and the broad acceptance of anecdotal evidence over scientific evidence and known fact in order for the LoA to "work" mentally and "logically." This is a dangerous practice and a slippery slope for others as much as it is for you, the believer. This dogmatic style of thinking and thought manipulation is the basis of and the very predication of most if not all cults.

 To believe in the LoA, you must inevitably engage in magical thinking and that means suspending logical thought processes. Do you really want to slip into a cult mentality? Is the cold comfort that a cult mentality offers you worth the loss of your critical thinking skills, your empathy, your individuality and your ability to think for yourself? These are hard questions that one must ask before adopting the ideologies laid out in cult mentalities such as LoA (Law Of Attraction).

 We can't fly by thinking it so. We can't walk through walls by thinking it so. Why should we be able to defeat diseases and illnesses and worse yet, why should we believe that we can cause them, and even worse still, why should we judge others for ostensibly doing so simply by supposedly "thinking it into being"? If one is to believe these things, then one must ask themselves deeper questions, following the "logic" of the LoA to its inevitable conclusion. 

 Do people call in poverty? Do they call in death (this just in: WE ALL DIE!)? Divorce? Accidents. It is statistically impossible to go through life without ever having one accident of any sort ever. Illnesses? It is also statistically impossible to go through life without ever once getting sick, and surprise, surprise, you're going to die from either an accident, injury or illness at the end of your life? The loss of a loved one? Once again, EVERYBODY DIES)? Have you ever been involved in any of these situations? Death and illness are pretty much guaranteed in this life, whether you think and act in a sycophantically, delusionally positive manner, whether you're a realist, whether you fall somewhere in between or whether you sway toward the other end of the spectrum and have chosen to adopt the victim mindset. If you've been lucky enough not to have experienced any of these things (and by the way, I hate to be the one to tell you, but it may be that you're either delusional or that you've got a severely faulty memory if you've answered "no" to all of those questions), do you have a friend or loved one who has? Like I said, if you haven't answered yes to either of those questions, you must be a Martian-or a stuffed animal-or maybe a doll, because these are things that every human experiences-categorically--without fail at some point in their lives and likely more than once. 

 Can you see why to judge others (or even yourself, really) in this manner might be hurtful? Can you see why doing so might lead others to be offended or even to remove you from their lives? It is suggested (quite heavily I might add) that those who follow the Law Of Attraction do away with their connections to anyone who lives a less than perfectly bland and seemingly flawless life (as if we know the ins and outs of the lives of those around us when we're not around-now that's a truly arrogant notion). You would have to be a pretty judgmental person who is willing to make some seriously flawed intuitive leaps to make assumptions and judgments not only about someone's health, wealth and life situation, but about what their exact thoughts both conscious and subconscious are and aren't at any given time ("you called in your cancer-which doesn't exist by the way, by thinking xy&z").

 This is not to say that one should adopt a wholly external locus of control and resign oneself to being a victim of circumstance for the remainder of their days. That is absolutely not what I'm suggesting. In fact, I've done some writing about that very state of mind and how dangerous it is. Balance is crucial here, folks, as it is in all things. 

 For one thing, though, assumptions about what a person who has experienced and/or is experiencing one or more of the above life circumstances is or isn't, was or wasn't thinking are about the only thing one CAN make, since there's no way for them to know what their state of mind is, was, isn't, wasn't, might be, might not be, might've been or might not have at any given time. None of that can be proven. None of it can be known. For another, to believe in this magical way of thinking, one would have to totally discount the subconscious mind and the power that it holds. We can't control all of our thoughts. We simply have no control over our subconscious minds, and guess what--everybody has one, so before you go congratulating yourself on avoiding all illness and accidents because of your sterling character, flawless nature and inherently high "vibration," you might want to consider that even you have a subconscious mind, so if you truly believe that you can think cancer into existence (or out of existence for that matter), then maybe it's time to start considering what horrors might be brewing in your own subconscious mind at this very moment (and hey, whether you are aware of them or not, they're still a-brewin,' because that IS how the human brain works regardless of whether we want it to work that way or not). 

 As far as positive thinking is concerned, unconditional positive regard can be a helpful tool when used appropriately by parents and romantic partners. Self esteem is a healthy thing. But, there have been several studies done recently on negative thinking (i.e. realism and preparation for the worst- see the article below for some great scientifically backed reasons why positive thinking doesn't always work-- http://greatist.com/happiness/positive-thinking-negative-benefits and this great article here on how positive thinking your way across a bed of hot coals didn't and won't work to protect you from burns http://mobile.nytimes.com/2012/08/05/opinion/sunday/the-positive-power-of-negative-thinking.html?referrer=&_r=0 just ask Tony Robbins and his group of retreat customers! )

 that clearly show us that negative thinking can in fact also be quite helpful when it comes to spurring us on to act and accomplish goals. To decide which manner of thinking might be best in any given situation, each situation must be appropriately analyzed so that one can in fact determine which line of thinking and action is appropriate. To that end, negativity, if we follow the faulty LoA logic of constant thought manifestation, actually helps us to manifest positive things-and wait, doesn't that sort of disprove the whole premise of Law Of Attraction entirely?? After all, how many electricians do you know that are going to tell you that yes, like attracts like (one of the basic tenets of LoA)? It has been proven time and time again that a positive charge repels another positive charge. That's science. That's fact. That's irrefutable. It's substantive and quantitative and all of those other real world things that truly govern our universe that the Law Of Attraction isn't.

 To suggest that only positive thoughts have value and that negative thoughts should be avoided at all costs (we already covered how you can't do that--you're not capable of doing that--hands down--ever) not only ignores the necessity of balance in all things, which is very important by the way as well as the thought/choice/action model, but it is a self-defeating line of thinking. This type of thinking is infantile. To actively try to avoid negative thoughts is in fact to focus on negative thoughts. What would be much more healthy, constructive and helpful would be to simply come to the realization that negativity exists in this world as does positivity and that sometimes there is simply no rhyme or reason for the awful (or great) things that happen in this life. It would be helpful to examine why you might think the thoughts you think and how to translate them into action or conversely, how to decide that they're not worthy of action and aren't helpful, but one doesn't need a hokey philosophy bandied about by ex-AMWay salesmen that comes with a hefty spiritual price tag and hefty personal cost. What isn't helpful is to sit back and judge from afar while using circular logic and reasoning that can be neither proven nor disproven to skirt around the actual facts. 

 The Law Of Attraction (which as we covered earlier--isn't a law, since first a law must start out as a hypothesis, which then only after being tested becomes a theory, which then after proof is offered and after its place within related and similar principles, phenomenon and laws is determined, can it finally be called a law) is based around the principle that like attracts like and sadly, a whole pseudoscientific field of "quantum physics" which has sprung up around it. Without getting into unnecessary depth here, let me just say this. Actual physics has proven that positive charge attracts negative and negative attracts positive, certainly not that positive attracts positive and negative attracts negative. To think otherwise flauts science, fact, logic and reason. LoA is also based around the idea that our "energy fields" which emit energy at a level of 10•10 teslas somehow work AT ALL (which they can't and don't) to extend outside of ourselves and affect not only the world, but the whole entire universe around us and those in it. This theory blatantly disregards the fact that we live on a planet that is literally beneath our feet as we walk through life each day that emits 10•5 teslas. Can you imagine how much concentrated power it would take to overwhelm an energy field that huge? An energy field of ten to the fifth teslas is so much greater than our puny little ten to the tenth tesla energy fields that it dampens them completely. Our energy simply can't travel that far and doesn't affect things in that manner and I personally vacillate between being saddened and being comforted by that fact. God knows what would happen if we could affect everything and everyone around us simply by thinking thoughts (wouldn't that create an argument for none of us having any actual power if we follow LoA logic?? How could we possibly go through life day in and day out competing against others for our personal thoughts to win out, affecting other peoples' free will and ability to steer their own courses?). Narcissism and sociopathy would run rampant-or at least much more rampant than they already do. Such personality disorders would abound even more than they already do with us humans, and thanks to the fact that the concept of the Law Of Attraction is even a thing, that's already become an even more serious problem. As I mentioned before, the Law Of Attraction has been proven to lower our senses of empathy and our sense of self and situational awareness. Loss of empathy in particular can actually lead to such personality disorders as the ones described above and I for one prefer my empathy entact. I like being a realist. I like being me-all 6 beautifully imperfect feet of me, so no thanks LoA converts. I'll take a pass, and just for the record, I don't think you'd like this world too darn much if the LoA was the predominant universal law, so let's thank our lucky stars that it doesn't hold water, because if it did, you might find yourself coming full circle and being hungry for a heaping plateful of logic and reason (eat those green things, damn it! There are starving children in Africa!).

 *I may choose to write more about some of the struggles that my clients have had once they inevitably realized (they always do and sometimes at that point, their relationships are beyond repair and they've done quite a lot of damage to their psyches) that LoA doesn't work. I'm working on a piece right now about the dubious history of LoA practitioners and coaches (we've got failed farmers, failed businessmen, failed lawyers, failed tv producers, poor people who became rich simply by writing about knowing how to become rich-and if that doesn't make your head spin, I simply don't know what will! and last but by no means least, the two failed AMWay salespeople at the top of the current LoA "pyramid," Esther and the late Jerry Hicks). Stay tuned for more on this topic coming soon. 

*Note: 

I know and respect several people who believe in this line of thinking. Disagreement does not equal disrespect, but as a lifestyle consultant and writer and as someone who has a chronic illness, I do have a real problem with this line of thinking. I appreciate all of the input both in person, on the phone and on social media that those of you who have been kind enough to discuss the subject with me-whatever side of the issue you happen to fall on-have given me and I can't thank those of you who are willing to have respectful, mature discussions on the matter enough. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

*Below is the link to my interview with Ngoc Luzardo of www.ardentlight.com on her personal experience with becoming (and then recovering from being) a Law Of Attraction believer and how it deeply impacted her life and personal relationships. https://soundcloud.com/dominique-miller-9/a-discussion-about-the-law-of-attraction

My Lughnasadh/Lammas Ritual

The Witches Of Westwood Lammas/Lughnasadh Ritual:
By: Dominique Miller (If you choose to use this ritual in your own celebrations or share it in any forum, please include the proper credits as I have done below.)
We sit (or stand) in a circle and read The Charges Of The God, Goddess, Crone and Dark Goddess. This can be done either before or after the ritual, but I prefer to read it before. Although these are charges most commonly read during rites of initiation, I find it to be a welcome reminder of the reason for the season.

The Charge Of The Goddess
(Credit for this version to be given to Doreen Valiente)


The High Priest (if applicable):

"Listen to the words of the Great Mother;
she who of old was also called among men
Artemis, Astarte, Athene, Dione, Melusine,
Aphrodite, Cerridwen, Cybele, Arianrhod,
Isis, Dana, Bride and by many other names..."


The High Priestess:

"Whenever ye have need of anything,
once in the month, and better it be when the moon is full,
then shall ye assemble in some secret place
and adore the spirit of me, who am Queen of all the witches.

There shall ye assemble,
ye who are fain to learn all sorcery,
yet have not won its deepest secrets;
to these will I teach things that are yet unknown.

And ye shall be free from slavery;
and as a sign that ye be really free,
ye shall be naked in your rites;
and ye shall dance, sing, feast,
make music and love,
all in my praise.

For mine is the ecstasy of the spirit,
and mine also is joy on earth;
for my law is love unto all beings.

Keep pure your highest ideal;
strive ever towards it;
let naught stop you or turn you aside.
For mine is the secret door
which opens upon the Land of Youth,
and mine is the cup of the wine of life,
and the Cauldron of Cerridwen,
which is the Holy Grail of immortality.

I am the Gracious Goddess,
who gives the gift of joy unto the heart of man.
Upon earth, I give the knowledge of the spirit eternal;
and beyond death, I give peace and freedom
and reunion with those who have gone before.

Nor do I demand aught in sacrifice;
for behold,
I am the Mother of all living,
and my love is poured out upon the earth."

The High Priest:

"Hear ye the words of the Star Goddess;
she in the dust of whose feet are the hosts
of heaven, and whose body encircles the universe..."

The High Priestess:

"I who am the beauty of the green earth,
the white moon among the stars, and the mystery
of the waters call unto thy soul;
Arise, and come unto me.

I am the soul of nature who gives life to the universe.
From Me all things proceed, and unto Me all things must return.
Before My face, beloved of gods and of men, let thine
innermost divine self be enfolded in the rapture of the infinite.

Let My worship be within the heart that rejoices,
for behold, all acts of love and pleasure are My rituals.
Therefore let there be beauty and strength, power and compassion,
honor and humility, mirth and reverence within you.

To thou who thinkest to seek Me, know that thy seeking and
yearning shall avail thee not, unless thou knowest the Mystery.
If that which thou seekest thou findest not within thee,
thou wilt never find it without.

For behold, I have been with thee from the beginning; and
I am that which is attained at the end of desire."

The Charge Of The God
(Credit for this version to be given to The Elder Ray Fagan)
To be read by the HP or HPS depending on who is in attendance and available:
"Whenever you have need of my strength and power,
or when my sun reaches a spoke of the great wheel,
then shall you assemble into a holy place and cry out for the king stag, who is the sacred King of all witches.

I am the king stag, who leads and protects the herd.
I am the white hart who is chased but can never be caught,
the wild goat who would give his last breath to create new life,
the unicorn and the dragon of legends ancient wrought,
and the dark horned hunter who strikes terror into the night!
I am the sun and the wind and the sea.
I am the storm and the lightning and the thunder.
I am the stone and the fire and the steel.
I am the blade which can cut men asunder.
I am life, and I am death. I am nature.
Love me and respect me -- or fear me.
The choice is yours.

I am the lusty young satyr who spawned you,
the loving father who raised and protected you,
and the wise old man who taught you wisdom during your life
and understanding during your death.
I will be there each time you are born,
each time you fall in love,
and when you die,
for I do love you.

These are the three great magicks which you shall learn at my hand:
birth, love, and death.
For these are the three greatest changes of life;
and what is magick, but the ability to effect change?
The secret of life is that it is incomplete without death.
The secret of death is that it is but a doorway to new beginnings.
The secret of love is that it never dies.

Serve me with strength and gentleness.
Protect mine with courage and mercy.
Worship me with mirth and with reverence.
Sing, dance, make music, and make love,
all in my name, for all acts of love and joy are my rituals.
And remember, if you find not that which you seek within yourself,
you shall never find it without;
for behold, I have been with you from the beginning
and am that which is attained at the end of desire."

The Charge Of The Crone:
(Credit for this version to be given to Jim Garrison)
"I am the Queen of Magick and the Dark of the Moon,
hidden in the deepest night.
I am the mystery of the Otherworlds
and the fear that coils about your heart
in the times of your trials.

I am the soul of nature that gives form to the universe;
it is I who awaits you at the end of the spiral dance.

Most ancient among gods and mortals,
let my worship be within the heart that has truly tasted life,
for behold all acts of magick and art are my pleasure
and my greatest ritual is love itself.
Therefore let there be beauty in your strength,
compassion in your wrath,
power in your humility,
and discipline balanced through mirth and reverence.

You who seek to remove my veil and behold my true face,
know that all your questioning and efforts are for nothing,
and all your lust and desires shall avail you not at all.

For unless you know my mystery,
look wherever you will, it will elude you,
for it is within you and nowhere else.
For behold, I have ever been with you,
from the very beginning,
the comforting hand that nurtured you in the dawn of life,
and the loving embrace that awaits you at the end of each life,
for I am that which is attained at the end of the dance,
and I am the womb of new beginnings,
as yet unimagined and unknown."


The Charge Of The Dark Goddess:

"The Dark Goddess speaks to us,
through the mouths of Lilith, Kali, Tiamet, Hekate,
Nix, the Black Madonna, Nemesis and Morgaine...
I am the Darkness behind and beneath the shadows.
I am the absence of air that awaits at the bottom of every breath.
I am the Ending before Life begins again,
the Decay that fertilizes the Living.
I am the Bottomless Pit,
the never-ending struggle to reclaim that which is denied.
I am the Key that unlocks every Door.
I am the Glory of Discovery,
for I am that which is hidden, secluded and forbidden.
Come to me at the Dark Moon and see that which can not be seen,
face the terror that is yours alone.
Swim to me through the blackest oceans
to the center of your greatest fears--
the Dark God and I will keep you safe.
Scream to us in terror, and yours will be the Power to Forbear.
Think of me when you feel pleasure, and I will intensify it,
until the time when I may have the greatest pleasure
of meeting you at the Crossroads Between the Worlds."


"The wheel of the year has turned and it is once again the time of the harvest. The grain god has died and gives us his body that we may eat of it and gain strength. The time of the harvest is an important and auspicious time for pagans of all types and of all backgrounds. It is time to celebrate the bounty that we have gathered this year. The seeds of our desires which have been sown since the time of Imbolc are now becoming ready to be reaped. It is time to take stock of our accomplishments and to think about that which no longer serves us and to ready it for the reaping, that it may be sacrificed. Following in the traditions of our Witch and pagan brothers and sisters of olde, we gather the fruits of our labors and we discard that which no longer serves us. We take stock of our lives. We give ourselves credit where credit is due for our accomplishments and the steps we have taken to accomplish much more and we consider what we need to ready for sacrifice. We give thanks to the grain god for his sacrifice this Lammas night. Blessed be."

(Cakes and ale are to be served BUT NOT EATEN at this point)


"Life, growth, love, death and rebirth...
the wheel has come full circle once more.
The god of the harvest has died that we may consume him,
Giving us strength in the months to come."


The high priestess hands everyone the poppet or ingredients to make one, saying:

"We create these dolls in our own images to symbolize ourselves in our many aspects and to symbolize all that we sacrifice and the knowledge of why we must do so, that we may thrive and flourish as the year progresses and the wheel turns."

When everyone has completed their dolls, the High Priestess says:

"The god of grain is dying.
The first of Mother Gaia's yearly sacrifices return to the earth which is her body.
We call upon the gods of the harvest and we ask them
for their blessings.
Tammuz and Lugh,
Adonis, Dumuzi,
Cernunnos and Attis,
Mercury and Osiris.
Each year, you are born to live in our fields
and each year, you die and give to us the nourishment
of your body and the wisdom of your spirit as part of the
cycle-the wheel of the year, which turns ever more as it
ever has done."

Hold hands and sing these verses:

"Hoof and horn, hoof and horn,
all that dies shall be reborn.
Corn and grain, corn and grain,
all that falls shall rise again."

Another way to sing Hoof And Horn is to sing Hoof And Horn is to sing the words above for the first verse and We All Come From The Goddess as the second verse in rounds. I also like layering those two songs together.

"We All Come From The Goddess"

"We all come from the Goddess
And to her we shall return,
Like a drop of rain
Flowing to the ocean"
(Optional second verse)
"Sage and crone,
Sage and crone,
Wisdom's gift shall be our own
Crone and sage,
Crone and sage,
Wisdom is the gift of age"

Or

"Earth my body,
water my blood,
air my breath and
fire my spirit."

Or

We can do rounds of each song as one (half of the group singing each song) if we have a large enough group.

Depending on whether we are having an indoor celebration or an outdoor one or according to each member's personal preference, we can hold onto our dolls and sacrifice them at Imbolg or we can sacrifice them in the fire now.

We all hold our bread aloft and say:

"Months ago, we planted seeds,
and through the summer watched them grow.
We have tended the fields of our lives,
and now we are blessed with the fruit of the the seeds which we've sown.
The harvest has arrived!
Thank you, lord of the harvest for the gifts we have received and for those yet to come.
We eat this bread, grain transformed by fire, in your name and we honor you for your sacrifice."

The HPs says:

"May you reap the blessings of the harvest."

Once everyone has eaten their bread and sipped from the cup, take a moment to reflect on what you have harvested for yourself this season and whwha seeds you want to sow in the year to come.

Haters Gon Hate: Why We should Never Dim Our Own Light So That Others' Can Shine More Brightly

Why don't you dim your light a bit so that others' can shine more brightly? This is a refrain I've heard for years and after my friend posted something similar on Facebook (she's a dynamic individual who never allows other people's bs to cripple her own self image or dim her light and I think that's freaking amazing!!), I knew I had to write a bit about this very topic.
It makes me so sad to see people who are threatened by those who sit in their own power, know themselves and express themselves confidently without doing anything to undercut or down put other people. I've dealt with haters all my life and though I may not know who you are or know you personally, I can say without a doubt that I know that you have too. I've been told that I'm too smart, too pretty, too talented, stuck up, that I should let other people's light be seen by dimming my own. I've been told that I should down play my education, down play my confidence, down play my talents, not emphasize my looks by wearing what I like to wear and doing my makeup how I like. I've been told that I should keep my head down and not make waves. You know what I say to that? Bullshit! I don't focus on competing with anyone else (though goddess only knows how many times its been brought to my attention that someone else is engaged in a one sided competition with me). I fully expect that others will find a way to shine their light brightly without asking me to dim mine or concerning themselves with how brightly my light shines. Some of the things I've heard over the years are as follows: You're too stuck up (I've only ever heard this from people who have taken zero hours minutes and seconds to get to know me--often times I hear it online from random bullies and/or trolls or from people on the street--namely, women with husbands or boyfriends in tow or men who are insulted that I didn't immediately start fawning all over them the moment I walked into whatever establishment I may have been in at any given time), someone like you would never pay attention to someone like me (really? You've got me pegged after two seconds of looking at me and you assume that I in turn know your exact motivations and that your character should've been obvious to me from the outset?), you must just think you're perfect (well yes, thank you very much, I do--I'm a perfect version of ME!) and much much more.
It's sad that rather than getting to know me, these types simply leap to snap judgments based on their own prejudice and lack of self esteem. If they would've taken the time to get to know me, they might've found out that I've driven strangers on the street to their houses when they were hurt or lost, that I've driven for hours in order to take a sick friend to the hospital, that I've literally invited homeless people in off the street, let them clean up, given them food and made sure they got to where they needed to go safely. They might've come to find out that I work with animal shelters or that I've recently driven cross country at my own expense to adopt a kitten who was going to be euthanized for having a cough or that my job is literally helping people to achieve their goals and listening to them when they need to bend my ear, but they didn't take the time to find any of that out because they were too busy worrying about how I made-or worse yet, how I might potentially make THEM look/feel in comparison.

 I submit and strongly feel that anyone who sits around feeling threatened by me and worrying that me sitting in my own power and owning the qualities that make me me-good, bad and ugly will somehow directly affect them is the true definition of self-obsession and jealousy, and hey, isn't that what Narcissism really is? Being judgmental of the way someone looks or the person they're dating or their friends or their car or house or lifestyle or just their confidence is a waste of time and energy and it says so much more about the perpetrator of such jealousy than it does about the envied person. Even still, I say live and let live. I've gained and lost and gained once more friends and acquaintances all because I speak my mind and sit in my own power. I don't make it a habit to speak to or about people in disparaging ways. What I say about someone, I've likely said to them. I make it a habit to worry about myself--to concern myself with myself and to try to make the world around me a bit brighter for having me in it. I've found that it's a really freeing feeling to be an empathetic person who doesn't let the hang ups, low self esteem or mental issues of other people play into or affect their own confidence. I highly recommend it. I realize that it's hard to have any level of control over someone like me who literally DGAF about what other people's biases are or what their opinions are on my level of confidence, but that's not my problem and truly, it shouldn't be anyone else's, because it's not--a problem that is. Haters and those who want to take us down a peg have absolutely no effect on me, nor should they upon you, except to prove that I'm someone who they see as powerful, influential or even (*sigh*) threatening in some way (this one's an old classic for me). I'm deeply thankful for what I've learned through experiences with such individuals. As a direct result, I've become incredibly good at discerning real people from fake people and people who deserve my time and energy from people who don't. I've become adept at identifying pathologically sick people and disordered individuals like sociopaths (thankfully I don't know too many), narcissists and other generally hateful people. I've become good at identifying people's motivations, underlying thoughts, feelings and intentions. The experiences I've had have pushed me toward my education in psychology and have spurred me on to run a successful business. What I'm trying to say here is that people like that have done nothing but help me along my path, cutting themselves down in so many ways and eliminating any potential I have to be a positive influence in their lives in addition to eliminating any potential they may or may not have had not to be a god awful douchebag and likely even losing me as a good friend (for those who I've considered friends to some extent before I identified them as the aforementioned type of person, which thankfully, there haven't been many of...) or losing the potential for that relationship in the future in the process and I am glad to be able to avoid potential misguided relationships with any such people. I am thankful to those people who have shown me their asses before I got in any deeper with them than I already was, just as I'm thankful for those who have shown me their asses right out of the gate. To this day, I regret the end of only one relationship I've ever had. Being that I'm a kind, caring and empathetic person (and not just in my own words--many people have said just that to me and I'm thankful that I have those people in my life and to be the type of person who feels comfortable owning that), I think this fact is truly astounding. It speaks to the great luck I've had with friends and loved ones, who for the most part I keep in my life forever once we connect. I'm lucky to only regret the loss of one friendship in this lifetime. I am also extraordinarily lucky to be able to see people for who and what they truly are. What makes me sad is that there are people out there living their lives as haters-that there are people out there worrying more about others than they do about themselves--some of them with malicious intent. People who have a chip on their shoulder or who blame those whose lights shine brightly and who sit in their own power for their own inability to do just that are extremely sad. The American Psychological Association has recently come to associate the experience of marginalized people and/or groups with the ability to build a more lasting sense of self esteem (http://psycnet.apa.org/index.cfm?fa=search.displayRecord&uid=1990-04498-001#).
 Now, I'm not a "love and light," platitude uttering type of person, so I'll just say that I wish this weren't so. I don't send them my prayers or love and healing energy or whatever other generic well wishes some might think to utter. I simply wish it weren't so and don't feel right focusing my energy upon them any more than that. Whatever the issue may be, whatever the cause of such self-pitying, victim archetype behavior, it remains their problem and not mine. I hope that after reading this, or even after simply having your own experiences in these matters, that some of you will pledge to yourselves, if you haven't already, that you'll allow your own light to shine brightly regardless of what others do or don't think of it. I hope you'll be authentic to yourselves and be accountable only to yourselves. I hope you'll live in your own power as authentic human beings who know themselves completely and I hope that you'll take the lessons that the haters in your lives have brought to you. I hope that you'll sit in your own power and let your light shine just as brightly as can be, because there is only one "you" in this world. Nobody has a monopoly on personality, confidence, quirkiness, beauty or coolness. You own all of those things. You are all of those things. Be them. Embody them. Live them. And most importantly, always be yourself.

Gossip, Gossip, Gossip!: The Reasons Behind And The Effects Of Participating In The Lowly Art Of Gossip

 Why, one might ask, am I referring to gossip as an art? Well, gossip isn't usually perpetrated by little children or less than intelligent adults. Gossip is a tool which is used by highly insecure people from all ages and backgrounds to defame another human being whom the gossiper feels threatened by or otherwise wants out of their way. Gossip is often employed by people who have a high level of social intelligence or at least awareness to achieve their own ends. Gossip can be crude or very elaborate depending upon who employs it as a tool. Being able to get the reaction one wants out of a separate, fully functioning human being is something that many people (unfortunately) work at. Thus, the title of "art" applies to gossip in the worst sense of the word, and quite well I might add. Here, we will examine some of the effects, many of the motivations behind and also some easy ways to identify and respond to gossip.

 Isn't it funny to hear about things we've supposedly done or said from other people? Especially from those who either don't know us or have little to no contact with us? So much gossip comes from people who we've let go from our lives or lost contact with through no fault of either party. It may come from those who are currently in our lives who are envious of us or who see us as a threat, or it may come for people who wish they were closer to us-who idealize us or who we idealize. Gossip comes from so many different places and happens for so many different reasons--none of them good.

 When I hear malicious gossip, especially malicious gossip masquerading as good intention and/or concern, i.e. "I just care so much about so and so that I needed to let the entire world know his/her business and what I think about him/her"? I think, 'what a load of hokum. Who would possibly believe that?' I should note that my ability to see gossip for what it is stems from experience with it as many of us have also had. If we're honest with ourselves, we can all admit to having been on both the giving and receiving end of gossip at some point in our lives. But it should be noted that most healthy, kind, functioning human beings do not engage in malicious gossip, just as they don't engage in literally stabbing people in the back when they see the chance for it.

 But back to the subject we were just discussing, which is... how can anyone possibly buy into the idea that the person who is doing the gossiping is doing it for the good of the individual who is the subject of the gossip? Here's the deal: many of us want to see the best in people and take people at face value. Unfortunately, there are people out there who aren't as genuine and aren't as real and it's easy for them to take advantage (or try to) of the good hearted people out there.
 When the subject of gossip comes up, what strikes me is that people are willing to believe what's being said, especially when it's about someone they know well and could easily just ask after in person in order to get to the bottom of whatever is going on. Unfortunately, sometimes people don't want to get to the bottom of things. They want to believe what they want to believe-for a variety of reasons. But people who go around gossiping and believing gossip are likely to get burned in the end.
 In my profession, I deal quite a lot with the damaging effects of slander and gossip, gossip among lovers, gossip so-called friends and even gossip among family members, all of which can be hurtful, if not devastating not only to the subjects of said gossip, but to all involved. Unfortunately, many of us deal with similar situations in our daily lives.

 Here's how I see it. We have a responsibility as good citizens to uphold the social contract that we have made with those around us by allowing them into our lives (and vice versa) in the first place. In large part, this contract is about being upfront and respectful with people whenever possible. When faced with gossip, it's our responsibility to deal with it appropriately. Remember, bullies exist because what they're doing works (at least temporarily to some extent, until it comes back to bite them). It's human psychology to label others with behaviors that we ourselves exhibit, so next time you hear some juicy gossip, consider the source, consider the subject (the individual or individuals who is/are being gossiped about) and consider what's actually being said. Nine times out of ten, the person who is doing the gossiping is labeling the subject or subjects of their gossip with traits and qualities that they themselves possess and actions they themselves have taken, if not ones that they take frequently. Now, does this mean that we need to morph into unbelievably annoying tattle tales who leave no thoughts unspoken and who then become gossips on turn? If anything, we need to treat carefully here and use the judicious application of honesty, tempered with wisdom and maturity. Each situation is different. There is no all-encompassing standard which applies to each and every stance of gossip that we may encounter. I do aim, however, to give you, the reader, some helpful guidelines to follow and to expose some of the reasons why gossip may be occurring in the hopes that it will help you as you move forward in your life, since as I said before, and as I'm sure all of you who are reading this already know from experience, it is highly unlikely that you will live the entirety of your natural life without ever experiencing gossip again, so odds are, this article will come in handy.

 But back to why gossip takes place...

 Let's say for example, that Jane says that Linda is sexually promiscuous or is bad at her job, it is likely that those adjectives apply in some way to Jane. Maybe Jane doesn't give her all at the office. Maybe Jane herself makes bad sexual decisions or maybe she is in fact interested in the individual that Linda happens to be seeing, and so it benefits Jane on many levels to defame Linda or to get Linda out of the picture. And if Jane isn't that calculating, maybe she just can't help but give voice to her own personal issues due to jealousy. As I said earlier, there are many, many reasons why gossip takes place. That, my friends, is where critical thinking comes in.
 We need to use our critical thinking skills and better judgment when it comes to gossip. Is someone in your life doing a lot of finger pointing and gossiping about other people? If so, it may not be the other people who are at fault. It may be the person who's perpetrating the gossip to begin with who has the problem. It's also important to consider whether you want a person who trashes their friends, family and/or co-workers in your life, because as much as they're gossiping about "Linda," they're likely also gossiping about you. Gossip, bullying and slander are the tools of less evolved people. My advice? Don't encourage that type of behavior. You're not the only wise and all-knowing individual who the gossiper comes to with their gossip, even if, as it often is, it's being brought to you under the guise of looking for advice.  So be honest with yourself. Live up to your own potential. You're better than that. We need to lift each other up, not tear each other down. Do you have experience with #gossip? Would you like to share your story? If so, I'd love to hear it. It may even help someone else who's struggling with a similar situation right now. Comment below.

As always, guys, keep it classy!

~Dominique

Social Media-Manners, Etiquette and What Not To Do

I'd like to speak to an issue that I see talked about all too often and I feel-in the wrong ways. What I'd like to talk with you about today is the issue of when, if and who it is appropriate to unfriend on Facebook and other social media sites. Social media is now a huge part of our culture and day to day lives. Knowing how to act and interact on it can save you a lot of trouble as well as bringing some pretty cool people and new knowledge into your life, so stay tuned if you will for my addition to the topic of social media.
  Let me first start by saying this in no uncertain terms. Social media is now-I would argue-nearly as important as our day-to-day "real life" personal interactions. You might be friends with people from high school and college who you don't particularly care about and I get that. They're not part of your daily life, so why should you-care, that is? It's simple. You now have an opportunity to expand your world. While you might not want to know what they ate for breakfast every morning, what their bowel movements consist of or what their vital statistics are, why would it ever be a bad thing for you to learn a new recipe or hear about a great new restaurant that serves that special something that you like? In that same vein, why is it so off putting to so many of us to hear what other people's lives and experiences are like? The answer to this question is simple: because as human beings, we have the insatiable urge to relentlessly compare ourselves to other people. It's a matter of keeping up with the Joneses times a thousand. So, let me posit this question: is it really that we don't care what so and so had for breakfast or what so and so did as a workout? Or is that we are made to feel inferior by comparison? I believe that this is the explanation for said discomfort with what others are doing and saying daily. Is it that we are innocent in comparison? Do we refrain at all times from posting anything that might bore, upset or otherwise put off another human being? I think not. We are all guilty of posting about what our day was like, what are opinions are on certain matters and, yes, we have all been guilty of posting about what we had for breakfast...or lunch...or dinner at some point in our social media experience.
 Let me put it to you this way and you can let me know what you think. I'm going to share with you, dear readers, what a wise friend once told me, and something that I have seen posted in social media memes in various forms. When you look at someone's social media history and compare you life to theirs thusly, you are quite literally comparing your blooper reel to someone else's highlights. That is inherently unfair, and I'll tell you something else. It's not your friend so and so who's being unfair by posting about their life experiences, interests and opinions. It is actually you who are doing yourself a great disservice in that regard.
 Although I can completely understand the urge to eliminate the poster (your social media friend) themselves from your sphere (goddamn it Sophie! Eggs for breakfast again? I can't take it any longer! You're outta my life for good doll, sionara!), let me let you in on a little secret, and I'll be honest with you, this one's a doozy. It's straight up impolite at best, rude usually and hurtful-even relationship endiningly hurtful at worst to unfriend someone from Facebook and other such social media sites because of your own insecurities. Now, if you truly disagree with what they think or say, then that's a different matter altogether, but it's a matter that can be easily handled. If I've ever experienced this type of behavior personally, I'm unaware of it and I certainly wouldn't do this to someone myself.
 If it's that tough for you to see-to even consider other people's opinions because they differ from yours, then not only are you in desperate need of friends and acquaintances who's opinions and experiences differ from yours, but you seriously need to check yourself because it's likely YOU that has the problem and NOT the person posting about their own opinions and experiences. Unless someone is using abusive language that is directed toward you or another person (and even so, why not simply assume that the person doesn't know any better, give them the benefit of the doubt and attempt to help them understand why what they're saying is not okay?), then there's no reason to unfriend. I personally have one of the most diverse groups of friends you could probably ever imagine and though we disagree on some things, we still manage to remain friends. I appreciate having friends that challenge me and encourage me to be my best self, but as life goes on, it becomes more and more apparent to me that many of us don't.
 Complaints about being callously unfriended for some unspecified reason have been brought to me by friends and clients for quite awhile now. I hear stories of people who have been "unfriended" by their social media followers and friends with no explanation quite often. Certainly there are people who we all wouldn't give a second thought to if they unfriended us, but I would argue that Facebook and social media have become so ingrained in our culture that it's actually become quite impolite to do this to people and could end up harming the unfriender more than the unfriendee. For the life of me, I can't seem to understand why someone might be offended that another person *gasp* believes differently than they do and wants to share that part of themselves openly and honestly. If you don't like it, DON'T CLICK LIKE-or better yet, tell that person respectfully that you disagree and see if you can't find some common ground and maybe even some newfound respect for one another. Communicate. Isn't that what social media is for? This is human interaction 101 here kiddos, not neurosurgery. The upshot? I would urge you to think (and act) before unfriending--especially a friend or colleague, but really anyone at all. It's called having manners--being polite. It's a whole thing. I see nothing wrong with voicing ones truth and having a polite discourse with a person who believes differently than you might. It may seem comforting to surround ourselves with those who think, speak, act and believe similarly to ourselves, but isn't the whole idea of social media-and in fact life itself, human interaction specifically, to expand our world and expand our world views,  and not to shrink them? Who wants to be in an echo chamber?
Me? I'd much rather get out there, get dirty and live life.

**More to come on the subject of appropriate manners when texting and using social media soon. For now, I'd like to collect your thoughts on this issue. What are your social media and/or texting pet peeves? What are your suggestions? What experiences have you had that we might all be able to learn from? Email me or contact me here for said info. I'm happy to give credit where credit is due.**

Empathy, contentiousness and fact in the spiritual community (or lack thereof) and why it is something we are losing as we speak

It's about that time again...time for the ole' weekly reality check...This one too deals with the topics of brainwashing/personal development/Abraham-Hicks as well...

 Lots of us want to contribute to the holiday season in some uplifting way. Below is just one part of my contribution: First, I'd like to say this: I am absolutely not here to down put or "out" anyone, but I do want to share with you a short story...

 I recently spoke with a very spiritual minded friend who has taught me quite a lot about spirituality. I was shocked...absolutely, entirely and genuinely shocked to hear this person tell me that poverty (apparently like sickness...) is something that people bring upon themselves through an unhealthy combination of laziness and bad juju (read negative energy-another subjective term which makes about as much technical sense as "bad juju").

 I was of course appalled and I did my best to explain to this person what poverty mentality was and what it was like to live in a cycle of poverty, make good decisions while hungry, cold, tired, etc not to mention what it might be like to have to make long term plans with short term means. 

 Now, I'm by no means impoverished and I'm thankful for that, but I want to reiterate what I said about illnesses before and I want to do that right here and now and say that all of this and more can happen to anyone. It can happen to me and it can happen to you. Poverty does not simply strike lazy, stupid, useless neglectful slobs. Poverty, like illness, can strike anyone at any time despite good thoughts, positive energy and good juju.

 Look, I'm so very happy to see that so many of us are trying to uplift our souls and spirits and to become spiritually inquisitive people, but in becoming spiritual, many of us lose that ever important second adjective-inquisitive.

 To me, being inquisitive, like being practical, means questioning everything--not accepting anything to be true that can't pass muster. I could tell you all right now that the sky is actually orange. Now, those of you who are inquisitive might say,

"but Dominique," I'm looking at the sky right now as we speak and it's obviously blue (or gray as the case may be)."

 Of course, that should be the end of the argument. You got me. The sky's blue. End of story. But... If I'm a clever "personal development guru," I'm going to give you seemingly plausible information which can't be refuted because it can't be proven. I might say,

"well, my gift allows me to see the true nature of the sky and I'm telling you that it's orange because I can see more than you can see and therefore I have more information than you do,"

 and being an inquisitive person, your first reaction might be,

"really? More information? I must have this information too, but since I don't have your gift, I'll need you to interpret for me."

And that is where questioning what you hear comes in, because folks, that is the exact tactic that some of these personal development gurus use to convince you to see things their way. This tactis is widely used by advertising firms for company advertisement. It's like the old allegory about The Emperor's New Clothes. If someone with "more information" tells you that the emperor has beautiful new clothes, you'll want to believe them because you think that in your deficient state of simply being you and simply having the five senses everyone else possesses, that you don't have all of the information, and that might me true. You might not have ALL the information, but you have ENOUGH information and you certainly have the SKILLS you need to be able to gain CORRECT information and discard INCORRECT information.

 So, the moral of the story is this: you're smart people. Don't believe everything you hear/read/see just because the person or people behind it claim to have more information or a more highly developed connection to a mysterious "source" source of some kind which has more information than you do (enter the widely disputed, oft disproved "teachings" of Esther "Abraham"-Hicks).

 I am a spiritual counselor, coach, reiki master, high priestess, minister, holder of a psychology degree as well as a degree in human development and early childhood education as well as in philosophy. I DO actually have more information than do many people or at least more access to it, but that's not what I'm selling doing what I do (which is pertinent because what I do is NOT what say Abraham-Hicks does). I WANT you to question everything. I WANT you to not believe everything you hear. I actually want you to develop your own senses and abilities and your own connection to the divine within as well as any divine that you may believe exists outside of yourself. I'm here to help YOU to FIND your own skills, your own guru (the guru inside of you, which is the only one that matters), and as someone who may have more information than you do, I am thoroughly recommending that you QUESTION EVERYTHING, starting with me. Question what you're reading right now. Question whatever you read, whatever you see and whatever you hear no matter what the source. Don't ever stop doing so!

 Like many of you, I, as well as anyone understand that life is hard. It can be an uphill battle. Sometimes it seems easier to believe that the world has an ultimate purpose...that everything that happens is scripted and out of your own hands (that is what the psychological community likes to call having an "external locus of control," which is something extremely unhealthy and unfortunately also something that religions and cults use to hook otherwise healthy individuals), but that's just not the case. Poverty, illness, death, accidents, loss are all part of the human condition as are joy, birth, happy relationships, love, trust, opportunities and kindness. The point however is that there isn't some mystical tally sheet or scoreboard out there-whether it be internal or external-that punishes us or rewards us accordingly, whether it be God, the law of attraction (at least Abraham-Hicks' version of the very ancient law of attraction, that is), karma or something else. In fact, embracing concepts such as those can lead to the loss of a very important emotion: empathy. Empathy is how we understand and relate to the world around us and others in it. It is arguably the single most important human quality-that which makes us most human-and certainly one of the most important qualities to be found in a spiritual person of any background. I want you to ask yourself, as a spiritually inquisitive person, is that why you're seeking spiritual enlightenment? To lose empathy? Is that kind? Is that enlightened? Is that-the lack of empathy-at the core of what makes us spiritually "successful" (as if spirituality is some sort of goal or single, unchanging, immutably perfect state of being)? You of course should answer that question for yourself, but in my humble opinion, I tend to think not. So let's all find some balance and embrace facts and truth-even hard truths-scratch that, ESPECIALLY hard truths, and let's do it now, before it's too late. I read so much about the concept of immediate dismissal of all that does not serve our greater good. To some extent, I agree that that is an healthy way to be, but one without empathy might see that as dismissing a friend whose ideas don't line up perfectly with their own rather than having a frank discussion with said friend and trying to understand their point of view and help them to do the same for you. Some might see that as immediately leaving a job that's needed for financial security without giving notice or refusing to help a friend in need because that friend "called in" whatever struggle they might be experiencing. With spiritual growth and understanding, as with great power comes great responsibility, and part of that responsibility is to question everything. As I said in another article that I recently published via my blog, don't lose your empathy for the low cost of $19.99 (or whatever your spiritual growth and development books, conventions, etc cost). Don't trade your spiritual "growth" for what makes you human. I can guarantee you that it is not a fair trade. Be responsible for asking the tough questions and then answering yourself honestly. Be kind. Be caring. Be compassionate. Embody empathy. Don't trade what makes you unique for the false feeling of being above it all. As I've said before, we are all equal on this journey. No one is above. I like the kundalini yoga quote of sut nam. It means truth is my name-I embody all that is truth. This is something I choose to remember. I hope that all of you will as well. Sat nam, everyone.

When Your Beliefs Hurt Others i.e. the harm in following 'gurus'

I'm going to address a growing problem within the spiritual community. This problem is pervasive, unfortunate and seriously damaging to the sense of empathy of anyone who chooses to engage in the type of cult-mind thinking I'm about to describe, and sadly, I've seen some really talented, intelligent, otherwise balanced individuals fall prey to this unfortunate trend. As a sufferer of an invisible illness (an illness whose symptoms cannot always be viewed from the outside-i.e. MS, fibromyalgia, Lyme disease, lupus, HIV, cancer) and someone with a background in science and fact thanks to my extensive education in psychology, I feel very fortunate never to have been the type to let myself get carried away with kookiness or goofiness, especially kookiness disguised as sage wisdom within the spiritual community. I'm not a fluffy bunny pagan. I don't believe in unicorns who eat happiness and shit rainbows. I believe in the earth, the universe, the elements and laws therein--I believe in cold, hard fact. Unfortunately, there are many out there who do not, and those types of people tend to be more susceptible to becoming brainwashed into believing some of the silly, worse yet scary and even downright dangerous self-help, new age, cult mindset nonsense that's out there disguised as, like I touched on just now, self-help.

Here are my thoughts on the matter as well as some facts for your viewing (i.e. reading) pleasure. First, let me emphasize how deeply hurtful and out of line it is for anybody no matter what the circumstance or how helpful they think they're trying to be to suggest to someone with an incurable illness (like myself), financial problems (like so many), mental or physical disabilities of any kind, etc or with loved ones with any of the same that they have somehow brought the above states of being upon themselves as bad living, bad energy or overall neglect made manifest. I have heard many times from many people-none of them of course who have actually ever lived with any such impediments I might add, who like to tell me and others that if we only think positively, let go of the pain, take some magic "supplement," get our lives "straightened out" (as if illness, accidents, injuries and misfortune only happen to deserving parties who have some intangible, indefinable sense of wrongness taking seed somewhere within that must be responsible for their current predicament), we'll all be cured and that can't we see how said predicaments are brought on by negative thoughts, sin, etc...? I personally find it hurtful and rather ignorant for anyone to believe that intelligent, successful and well adjusted people are just missing that one key fake supplement that one positive thought or that one piece of cultish, vague nonsense none-too-adeptly disguised as wisdom that some kook decided to make the selling point of their latest kooky self-help book, which would cure them of that pesky ole cancer, injury, illness or poverty. I of course can only speak for me, but I for one take excellent care of myself. I take my medicine (science, folks, Google it), I take my supplements (actual vitamins, not some sales based, mlm pyramid scheme sugar pill), I eat right, I meditate, I have an extensive yoga practice, I hike, etc etc and so on and so on. I find it deeply hurtful and offensive when it is suggested to me that I am somehow manifesting legions all over my internal organs because bad mojo, bad juju, sin and boogity boogity. That is impossibly, horribly, ridiculously offensive and deeply hurtful. Now, I'm not suggesting that everything that Tony Robbins, Napoleon Hill, Zig Ziglar, [Esther] Abraham-Hicks or whoever have no grains of truth tucked away in their largely nonsensical writing, but what I am suggesting is that anyone can become a self-proclaimed guru, that anyone can write a book, think up a catchy branding idea, or speak from the tops of their heads and call what they're saying fact without the burden of having to back any of it up. 

 I know that there are lots of good people out there who are looking for some uplifting, personal responsibility-based theory of life, but I'd like to invite and encourage said people to develop your own rather than adopting that of someone else. We are all equal on this journey. No one is above. 

 Following someone that you think has more information than you is hazardous to your own freedom at best and at worst, seriously undermines your ability to continue to possess and utilize that all important key part of the human condition: empathy. So, use your logic, use your intuition. Develop your own philosophy, but don't adopt views that can harm others. After all, there are no gurus. There's only you and me. And my right to believe what I want to believe and do what I want to do in life ends where yours begins. I mean to say that if what I believe could potentially hurt you, then what I believe may not be okay. If I believe that all purple is an affront to my god and your house and car are purple, I may want to seriously reevaluate my beliefs before I go and destroy your well earned home and automobile. There is no time or place in which it is okay for me to destroy your property or harm you in any way because of my beliefs. Does my right to believe that purple is sinful supersede your right to believe that you can have a purple car and house if you damn well please? No. It does not. 

 On that note, I'd like to encourage all of you to join with me in making sure that we're all respecting other people even as we strive to follow our own paths and fully participate in our own journeys. And might I add, that if you can't believe that random occurrences happen in life and that good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good at least some of the time, at least try to be open to the possibility that everything that happens in this world isn't a matter of choice, punishment or reward. Do you get to choose what you look like (while here in this life)? No. You don't. Genetics are set in stone. Do you get to choose your parents or siblings (again, while in this life)? No. You most certainly do not. So why would you make the choice to lay the blame for such subjective happenings as illness, poverty or loss at someone else's feet? Is that a spiritual way to be? Is that empathetic? Is that kind? These are physiological and scientific issues, not manifestations of bad juju. C'mon people, it's 2015 now. Let's try to introduce some facts into the equation. Question everything in life. Don't seek out the question based on the answer you have or want to find and don't seek out answers based on your own desires. Seek out facts. Seek out truth. Seek out knowledge. Search within yourself. Question everything. And for gods sake, or for your own, put down the self help books before you hurt yourselves (or others). Don't lose your empathy for the low cost of $19.99 (or however much your self-help books cost you). It is worth much more than that. 

(I had posted a link below when I originally posted this post on Facebook, you can look it up if you'd like-it's about a skeptic who collected some compelling and bad experiences relating to 'self-help' guru Abraham-Hicks)

Keepin it real,

Dominique

Real Talk On The Pittfalls Of Being A Healer, Reader and Lightworker (not a fan of that term btw)

So...just to point out the obvious lol😉😘, readers need readings just like therapists need therapy just like reiki masters need reiki just like teachers need to learn and be taught. Get it? Got if? Good.

 Let's keep that in mind, guys. A reader that I know recently related to me that they had been given what they referred to as some really special and kind information for another tarot reader/medium recently. Guys, you know how it is when you get a message. Sometimes it just WILL NOT go away until you relate it to the person that it's for. Though I don't know all of the particulars here (insert joke here about how I should be all knowing because I myself do this in part for a living and as part of my business lol), I do know that the other reader turned them down because they apparently 'knew enough' (or something to that effect). When I hear about instances like this, I just shake my head. Hey, guys, listen up... Nobody's trying to steal your crown, break open your piñata or steal your thunder when they do that. Nine times out of ten, the person in question is just trying to do you a kindness with no thought of reward. Now, if someone offers you advice about the divorce you just went through or tries to...say...tel you what you should or shouldn't have done or tells you that your ex never loved you anyway or something, then you have my permission to tell that person to jog on, but this is not what happened here and is not what happens most of the time for that matter. I know both of the people involved in this particular situation to an extent and believe me, this happens SO often that I'm positive that I'm not outing anybody by saying this-but, I'm just astounded that another light worker/healer wouldn't be open to kind healing and goodly messages themselves. Nobody said you had to take them to heart if they didn't resonate with you. As a reader, you know that, okay? You know that. The only reason I can think of that one wouldn't want the other's help is because they themselves feel fraudulent or disingenuous in some way doing what they do (which is not my place to comment on-we all have our issues--even the best of us and that is NOT what I'm saying here). I'm pretty sad to see that happening. Unless the other reader is being super interfering, there's no reason to do this. I've heard so many healers say to other healers that they don't need healing themselves when that person offers to help them in some way or exchange with them. I've seen so many readers and spiritual therapists who say that they don't need readings and/or spiritual therapy themselves. BS! We all do. Let's not become so full of ourselves that we see accepting help or entertaining another person's perspective as damaging to our perceived images and/or abilities. I for one absolutely love and feel SO flattered when another amazing healer or reader like for instance Sandra M. Russel offer me readings in exchanges. I just don't see why we can be so silly and catty and it makes me very sad. I know that in professions like this where you have to be somewhat of a public personality, egotism can get in the way, but to me, that seems absolutely ridiculous. Any insight from anyone? Thoughts? Feelings? Experiences?